I recently ended a two-year relationship with someone whom I thought was of great worth with great qualities and that checked all the partnership requirement boxes. Buyer beware, not all that shines is of value.
The person I was involved with is very heavily into alcohol. His fits of alcoholism cause him to become angry and melancholic. Alcoholics seem fun at first, don’t they? That is, until you become aware of the patterns and the destructiveness of this disease. When evenings of drinking and chatting went from fun to where I had to be a counselor and therapist to all his hidden emotions, I began to realize that he needed not just energetic healing and release, but he also needed to enter some sort of a recovery program.
While I engaged in this “fun” for a while, I also practiced knowing my limits. But even with my self-imposed limits, I soon realized the harm I was doing to myself, too. I began to see the negative physical effects in my own health and well-being. This behavior was not in alignment with who I am as a healer! What was I doing??? I made the conscious decision to refrain from this activity. As a result of this self-imposed drinking hiatus, it became even more obvious that there was a serious problem beneath the fun he thought he was having. There was no end to the drinking until the bottle was empty. And there was no end to the emotional roller coaster until he would fall asleep from the sheer exhaustion of it all.
For myself, I reverted to my healing practice to bring myself back into alignment with my path and raise my vibration. This only created more issues in the relationship when I was no longer willing to participate in these all-night drinking binges. There was anger and self-pity in his drinking habits. There was melancholy for a time in his life that never existed. I am certain there is regret in there somewhere, too. I began to practice Reiki on him, and I tried get him to step back from those habits. Unfortunately, the minute I was not around he would always fall back into that pattern. He used loneliness as his excuse for falling off the wagon. He used lack of attention on my part as an excuse, too. The reality is that he found it easier to get lost in this reckless self-destructive act, even if he regretted it the next day, than to deal with the real causes of his addiction.
After various attempts to assist in his recovery, I threw in the towel. Even after months of psychotherapy and pretending to be well, the truth always shows its face. He would never understand that as a healer and a deeply spiritual person, I could not be around this type of self-destructive behavior. As an empath, I could no longer handle taking on his energy even days after his drinking binges had passed. As a form of self-care for myself, I would withdraw from spending time with him. He could not see that his drinking simply pushed me farther and farther away. I found this behavior of his to be selfish and uncaring. I simply viewed his destructive behavior as a way to call attention to himself whether it was negative or positive, it did not matter. I thought that if he is not able care for himself, then how could he be equipped to care for me.
Trapped in a vicious cycle of selfishness and self-pity, he always chose the alcohol over the rest of his life. Allowing myself to be sucked into this vicious cycle was not something that I could afford mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. I tried to teach him the tools to practice avoiding falling into the trap of his past behaviors, but you know how the saying goes, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.”
So now it is time for me to be the selfish one and tend to my own self-care. It is quite liberating to be selfish sometimes and to take care of yourself for a change. While my heart is full of love and compassion for his continued progress towards recovery, I can no longer be witness, or take part in the process. I have reached a point where I believe I had become part of the problem.
As part of my self-care program to help me along the grieving process, I am creating new products for myself and my clients that are meant to help raise the energetic vibration and to cleanse the auric field. I am also delving into my A
kashic records to find out what karmic lessons I was meant to learn with this karmic contract. Self-Reiki treatments are also part of my self-care, but so is writing articles that can touch others and help them the same way writing them helps me.
In closing, I understand that alcoholism is a disease and that it is difficult to recover from. I know that some people are successful at recovery, but others are not. And by this statement, I am not judging anyone for their struggles with this disease. If you are struggling with alcoholism, don’t be ashamed to ask for help when you are well and truly ready to put the bottle down and take back the control over your life.
I wish you peace with ease and grace.